through...

I think I have finished processing through, through2, through3. What a journey!

"Through" is a visual story of an obstacle which presented in my life. An obstacle which through me sideways. These drawings are a testament to the impermanence of intense feelings.

"Through" was the first drawing. The first view of the uncomfortable feelings was solid and hard. It was jagged and heavy. I had to imagine my life without this obstacle, simply to start the action of drilling through it, in an effort to transform it into something that was not suffering. The drawing is a witness to my desperate and perseverant attempts. My well conditioned "try harder" strategy is distinctly evident in this image. But I discovered that there was a way through. I think the faith in the belief that this could actually be achieved is really the story of this picture. There is really nothing more to say. I would proceed with the best practice I knew and believe in resolution.

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"Through2" is really the visualization of this belief. This is how I imagined my path, not without this obstacle, but with the skills and confidence to welcome it onto my path without resistance.

But "Through3" surprised me. I knew it was part of the transition, so I was inclined to let the drawing sit around my art room for a few days. Many others were discarded. A couple of days ago, I noticed that on the far left side of the drawing, there was a valley that looked like the valley in "Through2". I walked directly over and put the bird flying through the valley.

It was immediately clear to me that this dip in the mountain was the vision in "Through2". This small piece of "Through3", was my visualization of my belief that there was a way through. I could not help looking at this small belief in this huge landscape.

I had created a wider view....I was staring back. I was now witnessing my act of faith in the wider view of my life. The thoughts that had made this obstacle so solid and my view so small, had been released by my faith that there was a bigger view. I was whole again.

This morning, I was listening to a tape on forgiveness with the Dalai Lama. Very beautiful! The theme was interdependence. The cause and conditions which define the relationships we have with our internal and external world here on earth. Inspiring really! But I started then to think of "Through", with it's tiny little breathe, and "Though3" with its huge belly breathe; now I can see the bird, in the crack, that is really the valley that runs between two mountains, that is part of a mountain range, that grew on this planet, that is speeding through space.....Now there is a big belly breathe.


Nx