Suddenly...

"Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depth of their hearts where neither sin nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in the eyes of the divine. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed....I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other."

Thomas Merton

to K....I would like to tell you a story

In a large temple of Thailand's ancient capital, Sukotai, there once stood an enormous and ancient clay Buddha. Though not the most handsome or refined work of Thai Buddhist art, it had been cared for over a period of five hundred years and become revered for its sheer longevity. Violent storms, changes in government and invading armies had come and gone, but the Buddha endured.
At one point, however, the monks who tended to temple noticed that the statue had begun to crack and would soon be in need of repair and repainting. After a stretch of particularly hot, dry weather, one of the cracks became so wide that a curious monk took a flashlight and peered inside. What shone back at him was a flash of brilliant gold. Inside the plain old statue, the temple residents discovered one of the larges and most luminous gold images of Buddha ever created in Southeast Asia. Now uncovered, the golden Buddha draws throngs of pilgrims form all over Thailand.
The monks believe that this shinning work of art had been covered in plaster and clay to protect it during times of conflict and unrest. In much the same way, each of us had encountered threatening situations that lead us to cover over our innate nobility. Just the people of Sukotai had forgotten about the golden Buddha, we too have forgotten our essential nature. Much of the time we operate from the protective layer.
from Jack Kornfied's book "the wise heart".

gratitude to the teachers

"Through simmering in the raw discomfort of our tendencies, we can gain victory over our aggression and experience the confidence and well-being that come from patience".

This book is amazing! "Light Comes Through".....Dzigar Kontrul....it is at the library.
Pema reads the text to me. Great gratitude to the teachers....

Genuine non-violent attitude

The famous Tibetan meditator Geshe Ben said that his only practice was to watch his self importance bloat up and then crumble down again and again. See how it made his mind freer and freer every time it crumbled brought meaning and pleasure to his life. In fact, it was his life's passion.

"Anger comes in the guise of a friend, righteous and protective and with airtight logic. Fear and paranoia come with aggression, because, when we have made a separation between ourselves and others, we have, in effect, created enemies. This is a form of violence".
Dzigar Kongtrul

"Anger often gives the illusion of clarity."
Dzigar Kongtrul

Our deepest fear

"Our deepest fear
is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light,
Not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be
brilliant,
gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually,
who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is written within us.
It's not just in some of us.
It is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Nelson Mandela
1994 Inaugural Speech

Last night I was reading Tibetan Relaxation by Tarthang Tulku. I think this book has some insights into the throat chakra that I had never read before. The section of the book was called sensations and breathing. As I feel that there is much merit to feeling the sensations in your body and breathing into these sensations in moments of intense reaction, I was curious. The name given to working in this way is Kum Nye. I am finding this a very effective yoga from the Tibetan tradition. "The breathing of Kum Nye is a gentle form of breathing that enables us to contact the energy of the breath, which is itself inseparable from the subtle mental and physical energies that prevade the body. Located at the various points down the centre of the body, from the top of the head to the base of the spine, are a number of energy centres,which include the head centre, the throat centre and the heart centre." These are the chakras and it is in these places in the body that we can feel intense constriction when we care having emotional reactions. Some times it feels hollow, sometimes hot, sometimes tight....but we label it all as pain....I don't really feel this is helpful and would encourage a more careful observation and "true to the experience" label. What does it really feel like for you? I know for myself, my throat is quite often where some of this intensity lands. As I was pondering "why the throat",and I observed that this reaction is reported to me quite often, I found the article. "The energy of the breath is particularly associated with the throat centre, with both evokes and coordinates the flow of the energy throughout the body. It is through the throat centre that we can most easily learn to contact and balance the energy of the breath and the other subtle energies of the body. The throat centre is traditionally pictured as a sixteen petalled flower with two blossoms connected back to back. One eight-petalled blossom in directly linked to the head center, the other to the heart centre; as energies pass through the throat centre, they flow outward to these other centres. When the throat centre is settled and calm, the energies flow in a balanced and coordinated way, resulting in the integration of the mind and body. All too often the throat centre is agitated and the energies of the body become imbalanced. When this occurs we tend to lose touch with our feelings and sensations.This in itself makes it difficult for us to move towards balance within ourselves because it breeds the sense of dissatisfaction that leads us to look outside ourselves for fulfillment. When we are in this state, our feelings are actually secondary feelings, interpretations of mental images, which we then feel back to ourselves. We live predominately in our heads, our awareness focusing on memories of past experiences. The flow of energy to the head centre increases and the energy flow to the heart centre lessens. No longer able to contact the nurturing feelings of the heart, a sense of almost continuous dissatisfaction arises- a subtle form of anxiety felt in the throat centre as a kind of tightness, which results in the self reaching out for experience." The article goes on to explain how Kum Nye breathing helps us dissolve this pattern of anxiety and leads us back out to direct experience. Breath slowly and mindfully into the throat and release the tightness. When in conflict, move to a place where you can be alone. Stay with your body sensations, lose the story, and breath until the conflicted energy transforms. Many blessings in the practice.

Groundlessness

Relationships are hard. They are difficult for everyone. Our relationships are usually well designed stories that have become so solid that they most resemble "illusions". They would probably be called "delusions" except the stories are shared in relationships, and so there is more than one person seeing it. In the moments when the reality doesn't look like the "illusion", there is a very intense feeling of sinking. In those moments, we are desperate to get ground under our feet and this manifests are intense feelings in our bodies....especially our throats....I wonder why the throat....I think that there may be an irresistible need to fix the story.....so obsessive thoughts would also be involved.....and this is where the stories are communicated...this is where the stories turn into sound and enter the external world of form...they become very solid. I don't think they will become as solid as form if they are not validated by someone else. Maybe they feel like a "delusion" rather than an illusion if they are not validated."Am I crazy?" When we put the stories out there, and they become validated they become true. You have just created something from your thoughts that you can stand on, take home with you and call "Yours". A matrix of thoughts designed by you is now "reality". It has become part of your identity or part of the identity of the relationship. What if it isn't validated? What if is not made solid. These moments of "not understood", then become desperate moments. We can't quit telling the story, the thoughts are obsessive until the story is made solid with validation and we can sit and relax on that piece of ground we just made for ourselves......to resolve all those uncomfortable feeling in our bodies. This looks like the need to be "right" but is actually just a desperate attempt not to disappear. I think we need to be comfortable with the uncertainty that relationships present to us. We need to be astonished in every moment that we share. Lean into those moments of groundlessness, when the sensations are strong and fresh and familiar, and be alone with them. Take those moments gently in your arms and explore your body with your breath...These are the broken open opportunities that allow enough space for very deep understanding of yourself.

Breathing

It is the breath that connects us to this moment and allows for the mindfulness. Anything is possible in this good moment. "So for a period of time each day, try to sit in zazen, without moving, without expecting anything, as if you were in your last moment. Moment after moment, you feel your last instant. In each inhalation and each exhalation, there are countless instants of time. Your intention is to live in each instant.First practice smoothly exhaling, then inhaling. Calmness of mind is beyond the end of your exhalation. If you exhale smoothly, without trying to exhale, you are entering into the complete perfect calmness of you mind. You do not exist anymore. When you exhale this way, then naturally your inhalation will start from there. All that fresh blood bringing everything from the outside will pervade your body. You are completely refreshed. Then you start to exhale, to extend that fresh feeling into emptiness. So, moment after moment, without trying to do anything, you continue zazen.

Shunryu Suzuki

Mindfulness

"Mindfulness is the miracle by which we master and restore ourselves. Consider, for example: a magician who cuts his body into many parts and places each part in a different region--hands in the south, arms in the east, legs in the north, and then by some miraculous power lets forth a cry which reassembles whole every part of his body. Mindfulness is like that--it is the miracle which can call back in a flash our dispersed mind and restore it to wholeness so that we can live each minute of life."

Thich Nhat Hanh